OXFORD DICTIONARY'S LATEST DEFINITIONS

Divorce: Future tense of marriage.>>>> Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one >>end & a fool on the other.>>>> Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of >>the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through >>"the minds of either">>>> Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number >>present.>>>> Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that >>everybody believes he got the biggest piece.>>>> Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is >>defeated by feminine water power>>>> Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.>>>> Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens >>and everybody disagrees later on.>>>> Classic: A book that people praise, but do not read.>>>> Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.>>>> Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home >>life.>>>> Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their >>mouth.>>>> Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you >>actually do.>>>> Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit >>to decide that nothing can be done together.>>>> Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.>>>> Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.>>>> Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be >>spoken of when dead.>>>> Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way >>that you actually look forward to the trip.>>>> Opportunist: A person who starts taking a bath if he >>accidentally falls into a river.>>>> Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in >>midway "See, I am not injured yet.">>>> Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.>>>> Father: A banker provided by nature.>>>> Criminal: A guy no different from the rest.... except that he >>got caught.>>>> Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you >>are early.>>>> Politician: One who shakes your hand before after.>>>> Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you >>with his bills.>>