The Wizard has been recieving a unusually large amounts of the male - female ongoing battle of the sexes jokes lately......after the Redneck postings I felt it was time to dish out a few !!!
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Two prayers
FEMALE PRAYER
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
As I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens doors,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Please Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows how to respond to "how big is my behind?"
I pray this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
Amen.
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What Men Really Mean...
"It's a guy thing." Really means... "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?" Really means... "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear." Really means... Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"It would take too long to explain." Really means... "I have no idea how it works."
"We're going to be late." Really means... "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."Really means... "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"That's interesting, dear."Really means... "Are you still talking?"
"It's a really good movie."Really means... "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women."
"That's women's work."Really means... "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."
"You know how bad my memory is.""Really means... "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."Really means... "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."Really means... "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."Really means... "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I can't find it."Really means... "It didn't fall right into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"What did I do this time?"Really means... "What did you catch me at?"
"I heard you."Really means... "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
"You know I could never love anyone else."Really means... "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
"You look terrific."Really means... "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."Really means... "No one will ever see us alive again."
"We share the housework."Really means... "I make the messes, she cleans them up."
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The Wizard knows you either love or hate Blond jokes
so pass this up , if you hate'm !!!
How Blonde Is She??? She was Soooooooo Blonde . * She thought a quarterback was a refund. * She thought General Motors was in the army. * She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. * She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center. * At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius." She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde... * She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept. * She sent a fax with a stamp on it. * Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics." She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde... * She tripped over a cordless phone. * She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate." * She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK." * She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde... * She studied for a blood test. * She sold the car for gas money. * When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead. * When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home. She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde... * When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. * She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless. * She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening. * She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."
AND EVERYONE'S PERSONAL FAVORITE:
She is sooooooooooooooooo Blonde... She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company !!!!
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